I feel this so hard. I'm forever juggling what I actually want to do and what I should be doing to preserve my mental well-being. They're definitely not the same entity, which is frustrating. Even harder when you have multiple mental illnesses that further divide your identity. Whatever illness you have shouldn't be the key element that defines you. We're all complex individuals (well, I like to think we are, anyways). It can be frustrating, regardless. Like shit, is my mania making me pissed off at the smallest things or am I Actually A Shitty Human Being? The struggle is real, but I promise there's balance in there. It's a lot of constant work and doesn't happen overnight, but it exists. Really proud of you for even putting all your thoughts on this on paper. Shaking my pompoms for you :D