I very much understand that impulse to be transparent/perfect. But that's a kind of self-abuse, in my mind, which I understand is a really strong way to put it, but: as humans, we aren't perfect. Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes it's just that kind of day. Sometimes there's no control over the situation. But holding yourself to an impossible standard means there's no way to reach it, right? Humans are social, interrelated creatures. Not asking for help doesn't make people stop being mean to you, it just means you feel more alone when they do, I think.

I guess that's a long winded way of saying that I don't know if I can be of assistance in these situations other than listening, but I will gladly listen.