Collards Only
https://collardsonly.com/

These North Carolina Collard Farmers & Farmettes think they've got the grit — and the greens — to claim the title of North Carolina's Sexiest Collard Farmer, but the truth is, it’s all up to you! Do they have what it takes to charm your vote with their collard-growing prowess, mud-caked boots, & undeniable farm-fresh appeal? Cast your vote and let’s find out who’s got the true grit to be crowned the absolute hottest in Collard Farmer in all of North Carolina!

They're all very special, but I'm partial to the gentleman in the bathtub filled with collard leaves.

So I got invited to present at a conference in Slovenia this coming summer. Which of course made me think about Nosferatu and its Eastern European Instagram Filter™ lighting, which I unironically loved. Then I thought about how Robert Eggers used the same style of lighting to portray New England in The Witch. And then I remembered how much I wanted to pet the evil goat in that movie, Black Phillip. The actual goat, who is named Charlie, was apparently so ungovernable that it gored Ralph Ineson in the ribs (source), if only we could all be so honored. And then I got curious about who played Black Phillip's human form, which is strongly implied to be Satan himself.

It turns out that the person Eggers cast to portray Satan is a Canadian actor named Daniel Malik, and

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Like seriously, this fucking guy

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I've read a lot of commentary on The Witch, and no one ever mentioned this. Which I think is a glaring omission in the critical discourse. Because goddamn.

Listen. I'm just saying. If the girl in Crow Country runs around a tetanus-filled abandoned zombie amusement park in a miniskirt, then Leon S. Kennedy,

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You will never, not in a million years, guess what the man who tailors the Pope's vestments looks like. His name is Filippo Sorcinelli, and

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This exercise feels very strange to me. I love visual art, but I don't think visually. If you asked me to write a 5k word story about "a man with beautiful handwriting," I would gladly do just that, but I'm not sure how to communicate that sort of "attractive" character trait in a drawing. And if you asked me for specific examples of famous men I find attractive, I couldn't say. Like, Toshiro Mifune in Seven Samurai and whatever Kurt Russell has going on in The Thing. Sean Connery in Name of the Rose, maybe. Idk man. Cheekbones.

Anyway, the fandom side of the internet seems to agree that a German artist who goes by Hansoeii draws extremely attractive men, so let's go.

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That's doable, I guess. If nothing else, it's worth a try.