Rynling R&D

This is what’s been making me happy this month:

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I want to have a “someone was nice to me” category, but this is difficult to quantify. I guess it’s fair to say that I’m grateful to all the people who still leave comments on AO3 and Dreamwidth. I’ve become extremely shy and somewhat isolated in real life, and it really does mean the world to me that people take the time to reach out.

Somehow I’ve managed to accomplish all of my nonfiction writing goals for spring. I still have a month left in the season before I move on to my big summer projects, which means that I have time to write two bonus essays. Here’s what I’d like to do:

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Memoir of a Snail
No hate here. This movie is fantastic. I don't even know how to describe it, save to say that it's what Wes Anderson would be like if he weren't so busy sucking his own dick. Highly recommended (and definitely not for children).

Now for some salt on Nosferatu, Wild Robot, and Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves.

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Despite me using this post to be a hater, I want to say that my actual opinion is that it would make me very happy to see more mediocre fantasy movies in the world.

Nicholas Hoult Almost Got Attacked by Wolves While Filming Nosferatu
https://people.com/nicholas-hoult-almost-attacked-by-wolves-nosferatu-8765941

Hoult added that in one shot, he just barely made it out the window as the wolves were let loose after him. That take was unusable, he said, because director Robert Eggers told him he made a silly face. Hoult reviewed the footage himself and agreed it was too funny for the final cut but confirmed to the director that that was real fear.

In addition to Count Orlok having two big and beautiful boys (played by two lovely Bohemian shepherds), Willem Dafoe's character is an adorable cat dad. I don't suppose it's a spoiler for a remake of a 1922 horror movie to say that almost everyone dies, but please rest assured that nothing bad happens to Willem Dafoe or his cats.

Anyway, ( here ) is a link to the interview if you want to hear Nicholas Hoult call himself "a tasty little snack."

Fungi: Web of Life
https://www.fungimovie.com/

So apparently back in 2023 Björk produced + narrated a 25-minute IMAX film about mushrooms. This looks amazing, and it's a shame it will probably never be available to watch outside of a large urban science museum two years in the past. Please Björk I am begging you to free the mushrooms.

I’ve been trying to watch more movies recently. I’m starting off easy.

The Sixth Sense

I remember this movie’s portrayal of Philadelphia making me never want to have anything to do with the city. Now that I live here, I realize that Shyamalan only shot in the super nice neighborhoods, generally around Old City. Which is fair. The interiors of those old townhouses really do have a lot of creepy elements, but the outdoor cityscape is lovely. Also, I now realize that what Shyamalan was aiming for was an ethnographic study of Philadelphia Irish Catholics, and his observations are immaculate. Even knowing the Bruce Willis twist, I really enjoyed this movie. It was originally released in 1999 but holds up remarkably well.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie

I put off watching this movie because I read a handful of very smart essays decrying it as soulless. Having now watched it myself, I understand where the essayists were coming from, but I don’t agree. This is a very commercial movie, and it’s obviously for young children, but I thought it was a lot of fun. It’s meant to be big and bright and flashy, and I enjoyed the spectacle. There was a lot of discourse around Chris Pratt voicing Mario, but he does an okay job actually! Meanwhile, every scene with Jack Black is a gift and a blessing. I was afraid that it was going to be a chore to watch this movie, but I had a great time. There’s also a scene between Bowser and Luigi that was… a special treat for the sickos in the audience, let’s say.

I need to get better at expressing “negative” opinions, so please have a few more controversial takes:

(d) Tears of the Kingdom isn’t a good game, but it isn’t such a bad game either. It’s a decent handheld title that’s useful for occupying a fifteen-minute bus ride. I kind of wish Tears of the Kingdom didn’t exist, but there are worse Zelda games.

(e) The Marvel superhero movies are American fascist propaganda. I know this is a caricature of a liberal brainrot opinion, but it’s true. Ironically, those movies are way too long and extremely boring.

(f) I still resent the Barbie movie for representing Los Angeles as being full of white people and then making fun of the one character who’s trying to learn Spanish.

(g) The 1984 Ghostbusters movie isn’t that good. It’s actually kind of painful to watch. The 2016 remake is infinitely better, and I’m not just saying that because “it has girls.”

(h) FromSoft games would be objectively better if they were less difficult. They can still be difficult and punishing, of course. But FromSoft should really consider adjusting the number sliders just a little.

Me: I'm not really a fan of Dev Patel, I just thought he was interesting in Green Knight.

Dev Patel:


Monkey Man is directed by Dev Patel from his original story and his screenplay with Paul Angunawela and John Collee (Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World).

I know this isn't really "my brand," but Master and Commander Far Side of the World is a legit excellent movie that still inspires my writing to this day. I have high hopes.

Also I still think Dev Patel would make a fun Ganondorf. Just saying.

I beat the Capra Demon (my beloved) on the third try.

It's possible that I gitted gud, but I doubt it. What I think is far more likely is that the Nintendo Switch version of Dark Souls Remastered isn't great, and that having responsive controls makes the game significantly... not "easier," but less impossible.

The textures on every single surface of the architecture continue to amaze me. I am constantly possessed by an almost painful urge to touch the television. Dark Souls is just so fucking beautiful. Once I level up my character (his name is Pothos) enough so that I'm not in constant danger, I'd like to sit him down and do some environment studies in the same way that people used to draw screenshots of Breath of the Wild. If this is how I learn to draw architecture, so be it.

Anyway, another thing that's cool about playing Dark Souls in Ultra HD on a giant screen is that I can now see how everything connects to everything else. Although this isn't technically true, the idea behind Dark Souls is that the entire map of the game is always loaded, and that the distant background is just another part of the game you can visit and interact with. The Nintendo Switch version was too muddy for me to really see the distant background, but now I can look up or down and be like, "Oh that's where that is!"

Speaking of which, I've decided that the concept of "lens focus" is for losers, and that visual depth can be achieved through relative scale, relative movement, and atmospheric haze. I think lens focus might actually be one of the reasons I find live-action movies so uncomfortable to watch these days. Maybe this is me being spoiled by anime and video games, but I think every single pixel of an image should be as crystal clear as the focal point. Further, the focal point should be defined through mise en scène, not the technological limitations of how light moves through glass. I love analog media, but I also think it's nice that we have other options and can do things differently now.

I guess what I mean is that, in its bubbly affirmation that "women can do anything," Barbie never asks whether maybe there are some things that no human being of any gender should do. Like, Barbie is very excited to show women on the Supreme Court - Black women, no less! - but it never asks whether or not there should even be a Supreme Court in the first place.

Speaking of which, I guess that's my fringe belief: I believe that, for one week every year, U.S. citizens with the proper license should be able to hunt Supreme Court justices for sport. Any democracy worth its salt operates according to a system of checks and balances, and it's important to keep the ecosystem healthy. (Joke!!!! obviously)

Anyway, I apologize for misspeaking about the demographics of Los Angeles as represented in the Barbie movie. There is actually a third person of Latin American descent! Shortly after Barbie travels from Barbieland to "the real world," she becomes aware of the male gaze through the comments made by a group of construction workers, and one of them is Latino. I always love seeing a white woman threatened by the perceived hostility of a brown man. Diversity win!!