As I've probably said before, I put in 20-30 hour work weeks on my fanfiction novellas, engaged in professional-level research, worldbuilding, structural planning, proofreading and editing. I had worksheets on theme & premise, ethical dilemmas, backstories, symbolism, psychology, foreshadowing, and character arcs. Every scene had a checklist with a primary mission and piece of exposition to deliver, plus character notes.
I spent a year and a half with the last novella dominating my headspace. Between chronic illness and perfectionism, it took a great deal of time and effort to craft.
Result?
5 comments by three people other than 2 close friends. 18 kudos, which I should be grateful for, but I remember when I'd get that many comments on one chapter back on LJ. The third close friend, for whom I wrote the story, couldn't be arsed to read the last 3 chapters. My smutfics garner more hits, but no comments except from the same two friends.
So yes, there's been tears. There's been soul-searching about whether I'm a horrible writer or just writing in a niche fandom. I've asked myself whether the stories are good enough to be worth writing even if I'm only writing for two friends. I have another novella that I'd started, with two chapters up, and I can't bring myself to face it.
It's devastating. I'm old enough I shouldn't care, but depressed enough I crave to know I'm entertaining people. Which, apparently, I'm not. But gods, I don't think it's for lack of literary ability and effort. And I see no solution to this problem so long as Tumblr-style fandom predominates, which favors a firehose of easy-to-glance-at fandom content over in-depth discussion and fanfic.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-08-02 04:16 pm (UTC)As I've probably said before, I put in 20-30 hour work weeks on my fanfiction novellas, engaged in professional-level research, worldbuilding, structural planning, proofreading and editing. I had worksheets on theme & premise, ethical dilemmas, backstories, symbolism, psychology, foreshadowing, and character arcs. Every scene had a checklist with a primary mission and piece of exposition to deliver, plus character notes.
I spent a year and a half with the last novella dominating my headspace. Between chronic illness and perfectionism, it took a great deal of time and effort to craft.
Result?
5 comments by three people other than 2 close friends. 18 kudos, which I should be grateful for, but I remember when I'd get that many comments on one chapter back on LJ. The third close friend, for whom I wrote the story, couldn't be arsed to read the last 3 chapters. My smutfics garner more hits, but no comments except from the same two friends.
So yes, there's been tears. There's been soul-searching about whether I'm a horrible writer or just writing in a niche fandom. I've asked myself whether the stories are good enough to be worth writing even if I'm only writing for two friends. I have another novella that I'd started, with two chapters up, and I can't bring myself to face it.
It's devastating. I'm old enough I shouldn't care, but depressed enough I crave to know I'm entertaining people. Which, apparently, I'm not. But gods, I don't think it's for lack of literary ability and effort. And I see no solution to this problem so long as Tumblr-style fandom predominates, which favors a firehose of easy-to-glance-at fandom content over in-depth discussion and fanfic.