A Typology of Clueless Responses on Facebook

Type One: I Don't Like Your Face
When you post a selfie and someone says something shitty about it.

Me: Off to an interview and having a great hair day!
My Aunt: Try some anti-frizz cream, girl!

Type Two: Have You Considered that You're the Problem
When your behavior is apparently to blame for systematic injustice.

Me: It's so annoying when people don't address me by my proper title.
Colleague: Have you considered dressing more formally?

Type Three: Men Explain Things to Me
When (male) people try to teach me basic facts about one of my areas of expertise.

Me: A true fandom friend is someone you can hit up for Tumblr gossip.
Some Dude: Did you know that there is a huge video game fandom on Tumblr?

Type Four: Shameless Self-Promotion
When someone doesn't get that nobody is on Facebook for professional networking.

Me: I think it would be hilarious to write a gender-swapped version of Twilight.
Professional Acquaintance: I once wrote an article for Buzzfeed about the Divergent movie.

Type Five: Way Out of Left Field
When someone responds to a conversation they only had with you in their head.

Me: I just challenged my first gym in Pokémon Go!
College Friend: Team Valor is existentially invalid, as pure being is superior to action.

Type Six: Looking for Trouble
When someone takes offense at something incredibly innocuous.

Me: I really need to find a new dentist, any recommendations for the DC area?
Woke Bae: So cool you can afford medical care when people without insurance are suffering.

Type Seven: Old People on Facebook
When your relatives don't know how to internet.

Me: I'm really enjoying the new Harry Potter!! What do you guys think?
Mom: Dear Katie, it's your uncle's birthday next week, so please write on his wall. Love, Mom

(Actually, this last one is adorable. I love it when the olds are on social media.)