The Dark Tower

Jake: I've been having these dreams, and they seem so real...

Psychiatrist: Well, Jake...

Psychiatrist: *flips through Jake's drawings of Matthew McConaughey*

Psychiatrist: You seem like a smart kid...

Psychiatrist: *flips through Jake's drawings of a large erect tower*

Psychiatrist: I think we both know what this means.

Me: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

*

Despite getting terrible reviews and an aggregate rating of 18% on Rotten Tomatoes, The Dark Tower was actually a decent movie, and I enjoyed myself. Based on the reviews I read, I think critics were mostly butthurt because of the movie's departures from the novels, but what they failed to acknowledge is that those novels are bizarre. Like, do we really need to see Roland penetrate a mentally deranged country preacher with the barrel of his pistol before shooting her? No, no we do not.

I think it was in an interview with Essence magazine that Idris Elba said he took a lot of creative liberties with Roland's character. This was interesting to me, because I get the feeling that Idris Elba stans Roland in sort of the same way that I stan Ganondorf. Like, he murders a whole hell of a bunch of people and more or less single-handedly triggers multiple apocalypses across multiple timelines, but deep down he has a good heart??

In conclusion, Matthew McConaughey and Idris Elba have fantastic chemistry, I mean like really fantastic chemistry, and,,