Like That One Scene in Annihilation

I don't have a moral compass, but I care about doing the right thing. I sometimes have trouble understanding why people behave in the way they do, and I often feel lost.

This is one of the reasons I've been struggling with real, very bad, medical-grade-panic-attacks-almost-every-day anxiety during the past few years. You can take care to put nothing but the most sincere kindness and respect into your words and actions, but you can never predict how people will respond. I've been told that it helps to imagine the worst thing that could possibly happen, but my imagination is limited; what actually ends up happening is often much worse than anything I could have imagined. To me, interacting with people can feel like putting my hand onto a lit stovetop burner - no matter how I do it, it's going to hurt and cause lasting damage, and it's so much easier to avoid the situation altogether.

That's no way to move through the world, of course. The simple act of occupying space is hard, and the process of actually creating something can be terrifying, but I can't just walk away from my life.

I wish I could turn into a tree, though. It would be nice to be very still and quietly eat sunshine and make oxygen and not bother anyone.