Unpopular Opinion, Part Eight

I like Final Fantasy VI a lot, and it holds a special place in my heart.

But I think Final Fantasy XII might be my favorite game in the series.

This isn't because of any personal attachment to the story or characters, but rather because FFXII is much more fun to actually sit down and play.

Also can we all agree that Square Enix fucked up the more recent FFVI ports, every single one of them is a disaster.

Fawning

Earlier this year I ran across this post on Tumblr about fawning...

https://whatbigotspost.tumblr.com/post/183926304432/if-this-resonates-with-you-at-all-please-for-your

...which is basically when you go out of your way to appease someone when they start challenging your boundaries.

(Here's a link to the original thread on Twitter.)

I'd been aware that I did this, and I obviously knew it was a problem, but I didn't know what it was called. I also didn't know that it's a common pattern of behavior in people who have grown up with abuse, and it was good to know that I'm not the only person who does this. This is one of the cases in which the mental health side of Tumblr has been much more useful to me than any doctor or therapist, and I've found myself returning to this post and thread on a regular basis since I found them.

The problem I've been having is that, even though I hate it, I often can't help fawning when I'm in a difficult situation, even when I'm obviously in the right or when I'm obviously in a position of authority. My fear is that, if I don't immediate appease someone who is behaving badly, then I will become the bad guy for defending myself. Or perhaps I shouldn't say "my fear" - because this doesn't exist solely in my mind - but rather "my experience." Essentially, when I've been provoked into a reaction, it's my reaction that's been punished, not the behavior that triggered my reaction. The pushback always seems to be along the lines of "you always acted like you were so nice, but you're actually a terrible person." Because I fawn in order to mitigate tense interactions, it seems like aggression when I finally stand up for myself.

I've been working on suppressing my fawning response to conflict, and what I'm doing now is simply not engaging with people who seem like they want to start trouble. This is better than fawning, but it's still not the healthiest or most productive response in many cases.

The main problem, as I see it, is that I shouldn't be in these situations to begin with. What I mean is that I'm still not able to trust my instincts when it comes to people who give off clear warning signals. The ideal scenario would be to be honest with myself about engaging with these people in the first place and, if I have to interact with them, making my boundaries very clear from the beginning.

Basically what I'm saying is that I have trouble dealing with assholes, and I'm starting to think that my tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt isn't useful to myself or the other person. If someone is behaving in a way that causes problems for me, it might be better to be cold and distant to them until they prove that they're a decent person instead of being kind and accommodating to them until they prove that they're malicious.