Fun with Fandom (and Executive Function Disorder)

The experience of ADHD is having all sorts of useful strategies to overcome executive dysfunction disorder… until suddenly none of them work.

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Back in grad school, I had a close friend who wrote stunningly gorgeous fanfic. She posted some of her shorter stories on AO3, but she kept the majority of her longer pieces to herself. She said she wouldn’t be able to deal with it if her work didn’t immediately get positive feedback. I didn’t understand where she was coming from at the time, but I’m starting to get it. The weight of disappointment is cumulative, and it can be difficult to compartmentalize the psychological damage. Like, if nobody cares about your best and most compelling work, what’s the point of doing anything?

I should probably say that this isn’t a cry for help or anything. Despite everything, I’m doing my best. I'll get where I want to go eventually. I just wanted to try to explain what this headspace is like while illustrating why executive dysfunction disorder has nothing to do with being irresponsible or lazy or disorganized.

Re: Fun with Fandom

I appreciate the optismism of “build it and they will come” but i think the true frustration behind “fandoms are dying” is a multi layered problem
https://awabubbles.tumblr.com/post/676654678332915712/disdaidal-fandoms-are-dying-yeah-well-heres-a

“Make more content for your fandom” is a nice sentiment except there’s nowhere to post, no one to like it, and everybody is so goddamned scared of death threats and being cancelled they either don’t make the content to begin with or people don’t reblog/share because “what if the creator is secretly a bad person and i didnt know it and now other people think im a bad person.”

Also relevant. Especially because, as someone who appreciates older and more complicated characters, I happen to be "secretly a bad person." This is doubly relevant for zines, in which association with one "secretly a bad person" can completely derail the project through negative community feedback.

And I'm not saying that you shouldn't be careful about who you associate with online, and that some people aren't genuinely creepy and weird. In fact, there have been a handful of fandom projects I've avoided for exactly this reason. It's just that what should be a reasonable precaution for interacting with people online has turned into something truly toxic and unsustainable, and nobody is benefiting from this level of social surveillance.

In any case, I've been taking a social media break since the beginning of the year. I plan to ease myself back into the social media routine starting tomorrow, and I'm thinking about what small acts of kindness I can do to support the people I've worked with on zine projects.

The Power of Friendship

I absolutely love how healthy and *real* the friendship between Geralt and Jaskier feels in the Hexer
https://ruusverd-fandom-blog.tumblr.com/post/618674826549379072/i-think-my-favorite-thing-about-the-hexerthe

Geralt and Jaskier in the Hexer feel like two people who are genuinely best friends. They’re clearly ecstatic to see each other whenever they meet, big smiles, big hugs, but they’re not excessively anxious or mopey when they part ways, just somewhat sad. They’re each functional as individuals, their lives don’t revolve exclusively around each other.

Jaskier doesn’t see Geralt as a legendary hero for him to exploit for inspiration, neither does he treat Geralt like a bumbling idiot who needs Jaskier to manage his life for him. He sees Geralt as a truely good man who has been forced into a difficult, violent life against his will and above all just wants to be normal. Similarly, Geralt openly enjoys and admires Jaskier’s music and poetry and says Jaskier is “wise,” but he neither structures all his actions around Jaskier’s approval nor treats him like a unwanted burden.

While rewriting The Demon King, I realized that the friendship between Ananth and Marlowe needs to be strong from the beginning. It will become more real the more they interact with one another, but it needs to be clear from the onset that they actually like each other.

I haven't read the Witcher novels. I hear they're good, though.