Editing Voice and Viewpoint
Mar. 11th, 2021 07:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rynlingI am continuing to take psychic damage as I continue to edit The Demon King. One of the main things I'm trying to work on is moving away from situating environmental descriptions within the perspective character's viewpoint. So instead of "He noticed that the sky was blue," I want to have "The sky was blue."
I've realized that this is a problem with Balthazar especially. I think it's because I've got this idea of him as someone who is constantly hyper-aware of his surroundings. What Balthazar does and doesn't notice might be fun to play with when I eventually get to the "Balthazar dies a lot" segment of the story, but for now it just comes off as bad writing.
I'm also trying to have Balthazar say things outright instead of just thinking them, and I'm trying to cultivate more of a flat affect in his voice while allowing him to be more openly disagreeable.
Ceres is mostly okay, but I'm working on refining her voice as well. She could be much more eloquent than I've written her, and also much more passive-aggressive. It's probably good to adjust this in stages.
Something else I'm trying to get rid of every time I encounter it are verbal additions that convey direction, meaning that things like "he walked up" and "he looked down" are shortened to "he walked" and "he looked." These verbal suffixes come from me reading too much Japanese, and it's a bad writing habit I need to break. The same applies for verbs whose "direction" indicates whether they're self-reflexive or performed for the benefit of someone else.
And, as always, there is the never-ending battle of seeking out and destroying adverbs.
I've realized that this is a problem with Balthazar especially. I think it's because I've got this idea of him as someone who is constantly hyper-aware of his surroundings. What Balthazar does and doesn't notice might be fun to play with when I eventually get to the "Balthazar dies a lot" segment of the story, but for now it just comes off as bad writing.
I'm also trying to have Balthazar say things outright instead of just thinking them, and I'm trying to cultivate more of a flat affect in his voice while allowing him to be more openly disagreeable.
Ceres is mostly okay, but I'm working on refining her voice as well. She could be much more eloquent than I've written her, and also much more passive-aggressive. It's probably good to adjust this in stages.
Something else I'm trying to get rid of every time I encounter it are verbal additions that convey direction, meaning that things like "he walked up" and "he looked down" are shortened to "he walked" and "he looked." These verbal suffixes come from me reading too much Japanese, and it's a bad writing habit I need to break. The same applies for verbs whose "direction" indicates whether they're self-reflexive or performed for the benefit of someone else.
And, as always, there is the never-ending battle of seeking out and destroying adverbs.
