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rynlingI've spent the past hour drawing thumbnails for some f/f Zelda pairings I'd like to post pictures of for "Femslash February" on Tumblr, but it's hard.
Last year I got so many messages for so many months from so many people in the Zelda femslash community telling me what a bad person I am and encouraging me to commit suicide. If something like this happens once, it's funny. If it happens a few times, it's just life on the internet. If it happens at least twice a week for eight months, it kind of changes you.
People say that the best way to respond to online harassment is to not respond at all, but this tactic has the unfortunate side effect of making the violence less visible. And then, when you finally do say something, it seems like you're the crazy one for reacting so strongly. When I finally broke down and admitted to a handful of online acquaintances that I was being harassed, they said things like...
"You have to admit that they have a point."
"These people just want to be heard and respected."
"That's rude of them, but you have to understand where they're coming from."
In other words, if the extent of the harassment remains invisible, a culture is created in which the harassers are privileged over the harassed. This is insane, because I'm pretty sure the correct response to a statement like "I'm clinically depressed because I've been receiving death and rape threats every day for weeks" is not "You should think about what you did to deserve this."
At the moment I'm sobbing my eyes out, but I'm hoping this process will be cathartic. And I keep telling myself: It's okay to be gay! It's okay to draw gay girls! It's okay to be in a gay mixed-race relationship! It's okay to draw gay mixed-race relationships! There is nothing wrong with me... except that I kind of suck at drawing.
Last year I got so many messages for so many months from so many people in the Zelda femslash community telling me what a bad person I am and encouraging me to commit suicide. If something like this happens once, it's funny. If it happens a few times, it's just life on the internet. If it happens at least twice a week for eight months, it kind of changes you.
People say that the best way to respond to online harassment is to not respond at all, but this tactic has the unfortunate side effect of making the violence less visible. And then, when you finally do say something, it seems like you're the crazy one for reacting so strongly. When I finally broke down and admitted to a handful of online acquaintances that I was being harassed, they said things like...
"You have to admit that they have a point."
"These people just want to be heard and respected."
"That's rude of them, but you have to understand where they're coming from."
In other words, if the extent of the harassment remains invisible, a culture is created in which the harassers are privileged over the harassed. This is insane, because I'm pretty sure the correct response to a statement like "I'm clinically depressed because I've been receiving death and rape threats every day for weeks" is not "You should think about what you did to deserve this."
At the moment I'm sobbing my eyes out, but I'm hoping this process will be cathartic. And I keep telling myself: It's okay to be gay! It's okay to draw gay girls! It's okay to be in a gay mixed-race relationship! It's okay to draw gay mixed-race relationships! There is nothing wrong with me... except that I kind of suck at drawing.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-28 12:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-30 09:37 pm (UTC)Words are so easy to fuck up. My point of view is so specific, and there are so many things I don't see or understand.
Cuties holding hands is a pretty universal message, though. Even if I can't... quite... draw hands...
(Edited because words are hard.)
no subject
Date: 2017-01-28 02:47 am (UTC)*sidles off soapbox*
It is okay to be and draw those things. It is more than okay. You are great.
no subject
Date: 2017-01-30 09:31 pm (UTC)I'm really lucky to occupy a position of relative privilege, and I know I can say and do things without fully considering the implications. It's difficult to know how much of the pushback I received was real and how much was just general internet bugshittery. To give an example that doesn't apply to me personally, if a dude in the comments on an article in Kotaku says that Sephiroth fans are moist fat fangirls who want to fuck their daddies, it's easy to dismiss him as a troll. It's another thing entirely if a self-identified young feminist on Tumblr makes a long and impassioned argument that Sephiroth fans are contributing to rape culture. I think it's safe to say that a definite line can be drawn at encouraging someone to commit suicide, though.
In conclusion, intersectionality is hard and Tumblr is flawed as a platform for communication, more news at eleven.