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Star Trek Beyond
Jul. 23rd, 2016 09:28 amStar Trek Beyond is a pointless waste of time unless you happen to have an interest in Idris Elba's career, WHICH I DO. I especially have an interest in the way his career has led him to wearing a black leather fantasy armor bodysuit and snarling monologues in Zoe Saldana's face while she glares at him defiantly. On top of that he's made up to look pseudo-reptilian like Dennis Hopper in that brilliant shitty Mario movie from the 1990s, and this should have been weird and gross but actually looked super cool. If that is your fetish then this is your movie.
Unfortunately, Star Trek Beyond is oddly under-committed to getting its money's worth out of Elba's talent, which is a damn shame. Instead of allowing Elba to develop a rapport with Saldana and giving both of them a chance to say more than five lines, the movie remains doggedly focused on explosions. There are no suspenseful action sequences like there were in Wrath of Khan, just shit being set on fire and scores of people dying without consequence. I feel bad for the set design and digital landscaping people, who created gorgeous HR Giger backdrops for Elba to skulk around in but which were only onscreen for five minutes. The movie ended up becoming a hardcore test of my patience, like, how long can I watch generic people shoot generic blasters at each other in generic corridors or in generic space before I check to see if the Pokéstop in the theater lobby has regenerated?
I think I would have enjoyed this movie more if they had gotten rid of Chris Pine and put in Melissa McCarthy instead. She would have been an awesome counterpoint to Sofia Boutella (whose ridiculous intensity of physical presence is for some reason chucked down the fake kung fu garbage disposal, why why why). As it stands, there are no jokes, no plot, and no Benedict Cumberbatch.
TL;DR: Son I am disappoint.
Unfortunately, Star Trek Beyond is oddly under-committed to getting its money's worth out of Elba's talent, which is a damn shame. Instead of allowing Elba to develop a rapport with Saldana and giving both of them a chance to say more than five lines, the movie remains doggedly focused on explosions. There are no suspenseful action sequences like there were in Wrath of Khan, just shit being set on fire and scores of people dying without consequence. I feel bad for the set design and digital landscaping people, who created gorgeous HR Giger backdrops for Elba to skulk around in but which were only onscreen for five minutes. The movie ended up becoming a hardcore test of my patience, like, how long can I watch generic people shoot generic blasters at each other in generic corridors or in generic space before I check to see if the Pokéstop in the theater lobby has regenerated?
I think I would have enjoyed this movie more if they had gotten rid of Chris Pine and put in Melissa McCarthy instead. She would have been an awesome counterpoint to Sofia Boutella (whose ridiculous intensity of physical presence is for some reason chucked down the fake kung fu garbage disposal, why why why). As it stands, there are no jokes, no plot, and no Benedict Cumberbatch.
TL;DR: Son I am disappoint.
