Closing Market Street

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The third reason the university wants to close Market Street is the interesting bit of this story.

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I sort of envision the university as a horrible person in a suit leaning back in a chair and crossing their legs and saying, “You know what would fix the problems of this city’s broken infrastructure? All of the money that we conveniently have lying around.”

On one hand, it’s a joke to say that the university is a nonprofit organization, and they really should be paying taxes to the city. Allowing an unimaginably wealthy private organization to do whatever it wants with public city property is undemocratic oligarchy bullshit.

On the other hand, it would be nice if the university were able to close Market Street, and honestly I kind of hope they’re successful.

Re: Closing Market Street

None of this is true, by the way. It's just a story I made up to amuse myself.

I wish there were a name for this genre of fiction. Like, a story that's almost true, and maybe it could be true in a parallel universe. Something that's based on real facts in the real world but just isn't true. Not "fake news," because you're just doing it for fun with the understanding that it's fiction. But not "speculative fiction" either, because the only fantasy element is that it's not actually true. Or maybe it's not even really "fiction," because there are no characters. So like, an alternate reality lecture? Idk idk.

Market Street really is a hellstreet, though. It's one of the many streets in Philadelphia that's like an expressway (with potholes) but runs through areas with a high density of pedestrians, and there really are a shocking number of pedestrian fatalities on these streets. (That number is "more than zero," by the way.) It goes without saying that majority-Black communities suffer disproportionately, although a lot of kids on bikes really do get hit around campus.

There's always a ton of pedestrian traffic everywhere in Philadelphia at all hours of the day, and there's been a growing movement to permanently close certain streets. A bunch of streets in Old City and Center City got blocked off during the pandemic so that restaurants could have outdoor seating, and now the restaurants apparently aren't giving that space back. It would be nice if UPenn and Drexel could similarly join forces to do something about Market Street, but alas. This is just a story I made up.