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rynlingHow do I even explain this, okay.
My department voted to recommend me for tenure to the university.
(How the tenure system works deserves unpacking later.)
But apparently, during the meeting, one person who really doesn't like me tried to influence the vote. From what I gather, my department chair's vague threats about how "some people in the department resent you" were really all about this one person the whole time. This is fucked up, because I don't really know this person, and they've apparently caused trouble before. The department chair should have been trying to minimize this person's toxicity instead of giving me anxiety by repeatedly implying that no one likes me, but I digress.
(Why this person is Like That deserves unpacking later.)
What happened during the meeting for my tenure vote was that everyone went in being very impressed with me and my work, but some people were in fact swayed by the "new information" that this person brought up during the discussion. Meanwhile, other people who wanted to vote in my favor but couldn't make the meeting (because of conference travel and research leave) weren't allowed to because they weren't party to this discussion. At least, I think this is what happened; I wasn't there, obviously.
Based on what a member of my tenure promotion committee was asked to tell me afterwards, the "new information" brought up by this person pertains to the anxiety disorder I registered with my university's Title IX Office as a disability. The accommodation I requested was to be allowed to step away from department service for the fall semester while I managed and recovered from the illness. This was something I disclosed to a few people, but it wasn't necessary for everyone to know because it doesn't really affect my work - and it's a huge department.
I was upset about this - discrimination because of illness or disability is super illegal, not to mention petty and spiteful - and I wrote an email to the department chair explaining this in the most gentle and polite way I could. I also cc'ed the Title IX Office, because, again, institutional discrimination is serious business. The department chair's response was not ideal.
(How he responded deserves unpacking later.)
I was pressured into attending a special meeting the following week in which the department discussed and voted on revisions to its bylaws document. What ended up happening was that the people who had been present at my tenure vote used this meeting as an opportunity to discuss what happened during that discussion while I was sitting right there. Basically, should the document that governs the behavior of the department be amended to create loopholes to facilitate discrimination? And do people like me deserve to be treated like human beings? It was intense.
I can't know what happened during the tenure vote, but what I saw happen with my own eyes was that, even though the case against me was the position of a minority - one person, really - no one stood up for me. And even if everyone did hate me, it was still bizarre that no one stood up and said that what happened to me could happen to any one of them at any point, and that discrimination is illegal, ethically wrong, and not productive or beneficial to anyone. I mean, it wouldn't even take moral courage for one of the more senior members of the department to say something like that, because there would be no negative consequences. But no one said anything.
(Why allies are important deserves unpacking later.)
So I had a panic attack. Like, right then and there. I thought I was going to die. Everyone saw it. It was humiliating.
I mean, listen. Academic department meetings are notoriously awful. I've been to department meetings at other schools (and at other departments in my own school) where people literally stand up and scream at each other. It's no news to anyone that professors like to play pointless politics games that affect no one but themselves. But...
I feel so betrayed and frustrated that this group of people makes such a big deal about "diversity" and "diversity statements" and "protecting the humanities" and "the value of studying other cultures" in an abstract sense but absolutely cannot tolerate someone who does excellent work but whose situation requires a progressive and nuanced understanding of what difference is and how it affects individuals and the larger community.
It's like, why are we all here, then? What's the point?
My department voted to recommend me for tenure to the university.
(How the tenure system works deserves unpacking later.)
But apparently, during the meeting, one person who really doesn't like me tried to influence the vote. From what I gather, my department chair's vague threats about how "some people in the department resent you" were really all about this one person the whole time. This is fucked up, because I don't really know this person, and they've apparently caused trouble before. The department chair should have been trying to minimize this person's toxicity instead of giving me anxiety by repeatedly implying that no one likes me, but I digress.
(Why this person is Like That deserves unpacking later.)
What happened during the meeting for my tenure vote was that everyone went in being very impressed with me and my work, but some people were in fact swayed by the "new information" that this person brought up during the discussion. Meanwhile, other people who wanted to vote in my favor but couldn't make the meeting (because of conference travel and research leave) weren't allowed to because they weren't party to this discussion. At least, I think this is what happened; I wasn't there, obviously.
Based on what a member of my tenure promotion committee was asked to tell me afterwards, the "new information" brought up by this person pertains to the anxiety disorder I registered with my university's Title IX Office as a disability. The accommodation I requested was to be allowed to step away from department service for the fall semester while I managed and recovered from the illness. This was something I disclosed to a few people, but it wasn't necessary for everyone to know because it doesn't really affect my work - and it's a huge department.
I was upset about this - discrimination because of illness or disability is super illegal, not to mention petty and spiteful - and I wrote an email to the department chair explaining this in the most gentle and polite way I could. I also cc'ed the Title IX Office, because, again, institutional discrimination is serious business. The department chair's response was not ideal.
(How he responded deserves unpacking later.)
I was pressured into attending a special meeting the following week in which the department discussed and voted on revisions to its bylaws document. What ended up happening was that the people who had been present at my tenure vote used this meeting as an opportunity to discuss what happened during that discussion while I was sitting right there. Basically, should the document that governs the behavior of the department be amended to create loopholes to facilitate discrimination? And do people like me deserve to be treated like human beings? It was intense.
I can't know what happened during the tenure vote, but what I saw happen with my own eyes was that, even though the case against me was the position of a minority - one person, really - no one stood up for me. And even if everyone did hate me, it was still bizarre that no one stood up and said that what happened to me could happen to any one of them at any point, and that discrimination is illegal, ethically wrong, and not productive or beneficial to anyone. I mean, it wouldn't even take moral courage for one of the more senior members of the department to say something like that, because there would be no negative consequences. But no one said anything.
(Why allies are important deserves unpacking later.)
So I had a panic attack. Like, right then and there. I thought I was going to die. Everyone saw it. It was humiliating.
I mean, listen. Academic department meetings are notoriously awful. I've been to department meetings at other schools (and at other departments in my own school) where people literally stand up and scream at each other. It's no news to anyone that professors like to play pointless politics games that affect no one but themselves. But...
I feel so betrayed and frustrated that this group of people makes such a big deal about "diversity" and "diversity statements" and "protecting the humanities" and "the value of studying other cultures" in an abstract sense but absolutely cannot tolerate someone who does excellent work but whose situation requires a progressive and nuanced understanding of what difference is and how it affects individuals and the larger community.
It's like, why are we all here, then? What's the point?
