What Internalized Sexism Looks Like

[rynling]

On "Fandom Moms"
https://out-there-on-the-maroon.tumblr.com/post/620585756682027009/fandom-mom-used-to-a-jokey-affectionate-term-for

I can finally afford to attend conventions regularly, pay amazing artists for great work, delve into more detailed media analysis, appreciate symbolism and homages I didn’t understand as a teen... and I should give that all up now? Because I have a job that makes me cry from stress, do my own taxes, and should be Looking For A Husband Now?

Oh gosh yes. Wow.

For me, as a queer nonbinary person, I was really only able to do things that made me happy once I had a stable source of income. I got kicked out of high school and then kicked out of home for being gay a few months after I turned sixteen, and the following twelve or thirteen years were a constant struggle just to survive. I couldn't watch television or play video games because I had to work all the time to pay rent while putting myself through grad school on a fellowship that was generous but not quite enough to live on. If I had time to "have fun," it was time I needed to spend networking by attending various parties and other social events. I couldn't afford to go to conventions, and I certainly didn't have energy to devote to developing my skills at creative writing and visual art.

I was 27 or 28 before I had enough breathing room to even think about doing something that wasn't work, and getting involved in fandom felt (at the time) like one of the best things that had ever happened to me, not in the least because I didn't have to pretend to be a serious adult.

So when I was accused of being a creepy older person (when I was 32, which I maintain isn't actually that old, not that it matters) for existing in a fandom space that was shared by people of various ages, it precipitated an incredible jolt of anxiety, like, what if it actually is Too Late for me to enjoy myself and follow my dreams? I had been getting this message from various places for my entire life - even when I was in college! - and it was a serious blow to suddenly start getting it from a previously supportive fandom community as well.

Also:

I don’t care if you’re also trans, “I only gender you appropriately if I like you” is still misgendering and transphobic.

I've also experienced this. I've conscientiously not disclosed my gender and used they/them pronouns since I got on Tumblr, but I've noticed that people won't hesitate to use female designations if they decide they don't like me.

I'm so relieved that this culture is fading... or has at least moved to some terrible far corner of Twitter.

Comments

[runicmagitek]

Jesus fuck, I could rant about this all day, but it boils down to me screaming SAME. It's also absurdly disgusting how acceptable it is for adult men to do something fannish, yet anyone outside of that small bubble admits to reading fanfiction once and they're burned alive.

I'm so glad to be as active in fandom as an adult. I'm 100% certain Darkness/Starlight would've been a hot mess if I actually wrote it during college when the idea first occurred to me. As fucky as life can be, having the luxury of a stable income is so amazing. Shit, I got a new vacuum and I don't feel like I'm going to fall apart if like, my car got a flat tomorrow or whatever.

And what boggles me is... who the fuck do these whippersnappers think is making the fucking content they're fanning out over??? It sure as hell isn't another teenager. Spoiler - they're adults. Going to PAX East this year and seeing a vast majority of devs (especially indie devs) being the same age bracket as me was really cool. Like we were nerds back then being told we were playing too many video games and it was just a phase, only to grow up and be making the next cool thing.

There are so many older generations that belittle younger generations for liking things the prior doesn't get. I hate that. And I imagine the people being ridiculed hate that too. So why the fuck think it's ok to give someone else similar treatmeant? I'd be curious to see what those same people think ten years down the road, when they should be "over" it by now and doing literally nothing but paying taxes and making babies and... uh... more taxes?

Sigh.

[lassarina]

When I was a teenager just dipping into fandom, there were literal grandmas in fandom (at least one of whom is still on my DW list, bless her) who not only shared good content, but also modeled good behavior - gently told me when I was acting out in a way that was not okay, and also showed through example how not to be That Jackass on the internet. I am forever grateful for their friendship and their content, in that order. And like, there are undoubtedly a very small number of people who are pursuing and grooming young fans for bad reasons (and some of them are actors and whatnot - KickVic etc) - but most of us just want to be here and have fun. The idea that we need to leave now that we have time and money to participate? Fuck that.