The Anti-RPG
Feb. 7th, 2021 07:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rynlingIn terms of RPG stats, this is where Balthazar stands on a scale of 0 to 99.
Attack: 0
He is not interested in violence. You can't equip him with anything because he thinks swords are stupid. Who the fuck walks around with a sword?
Defense: 0
He is incapable of defending himself, and you can't equip him with armor. He wears the high fantasy equivalent of a tracksuit jacket over pajamas, and he wears this every day. Other characters comment on his sloppy appearance, but thankfully his emotional defense is pretty close to maxed out at 99.
Magic Attack: 9999
Magic Defense: 9999
He figured out a way to cheat, and he's running with it.
Speed: 5
Balthazar does not actually run. He is not athletic. He has average reflexes. He could probably increase this stat if he wanted to, but he's lazy.
Stamina: 5
He is tired all the time and gives up easily. He has no tolerance for physical pain and gets upset when he's hungry.
When Balthazar says that Ceres could easily kill him, what he means is that just about anyone could easily kill him. And in fact he dies a whole lot.
I was thinking about how to make a game with Balthazar, and I'm not sure how I would do it. It would probably be a lot like Undertale, except Balthazar would talk directly to the camera. Like, you'd tell him to "Fight," and he'd be like, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Or there would be some sort of complicated puzzle, and he'd be like, "Listen, I can just kick in the door." The challenge would be using time travel to avoid death, but I don't know how this would work as a game mechanic.
Attack: 0
He is not interested in violence. You can't equip him with anything because he thinks swords are stupid. Who the fuck walks around with a sword?
Defense: 0
He is incapable of defending himself, and you can't equip him with armor. He wears the high fantasy equivalent of a tracksuit jacket over pajamas, and he wears this every day. Other characters comment on his sloppy appearance, but thankfully his emotional defense is pretty close to maxed out at 99.
Magic Attack: 9999
Magic Defense: 9999
He figured out a way to cheat, and he's running with it.
Speed: 5
Balthazar does not actually run. He is not athletic. He has average reflexes. He could probably increase this stat if he wanted to, but he's lazy.
Stamina: 5
He is tired all the time and gives up easily. He has no tolerance for physical pain and gets upset when he's hungry.
When Balthazar says that Ceres could easily kill him, what he means is that just about anyone could easily kill him. And in fact he dies a whole lot.
I was thinking about how to make a game with Balthazar, and I'm not sure how I would do it. It would probably be a lot like Undertale, except Balthazar would talk directly to the camera. Like, you'd tell him to "Fight," and he'd be like, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Or there would be some sort of complicated puzzle, and he'd be like, "Listen, I can just kick in the door." The challenge would be using time travel to avoid death, but I don't know how this would work as a game mechanic.
