Yes Bad Thoughts, Again Today

[rynling]

A lot of people on social media have been talking about how it’s been difficult to write recently because they’re suffering from a mental illness or just general stress, and I get that. I’ve been there.

What I’m suffering from at the moment, however, is that I don’t have any connections that will help me publish my writing. It’s not that I’ll never be “a writer” because I can’t write, but rather that no one has held the door open for me and gestured me inside and asked, “Hey, can you write for us?”

Also, I am a very shy and very delicate flower.

And also, I’m not “young” anymore. Nobody cares about you if you’re 35 and don’t have any writing credits. You’re basically a professional amateur at that point.

And then also, I actually do have a ton of academic publications, so people who are willing to publish “emerging writers” aren’t interested in me or my work.

So every morning, every time I sit down to write, I have to go through the same cycle of “no one cares” and “this doesn’t matter” and “you’re useless” before I get to the “but do it anyway.”

I’m struggling to get things done this week, but once this week’s deadlines are behind me I think I might have to sit down and make a concrete plan concerning how to spend more time on social media, specifically Twitter. I also think I might take up smoking again.

Comments

[renegadefolkhero]

I’m not “young” anymore...
I sincerely hope sub-35 is not a requirement because ummm I'm screwed. I didn't start producing what I consider "legitimately good shit" until my mid-thirties.

Also I got to the mushroom part of The Demon King last night and loved that whole vibe. I got a note of Annihilation, it was *Borat Voice* very nice, thank you.

[rynling]

Annihilation is one of my favorite books. It actually sits right next to Marie Kondo on my shelf.

I recently started re-reading Janet Fitch's novel White Oleander the other day, and I ended up reading an interview the author did with Salon.com (here). The editor makes an issue of the fact that Fitch published her debut novel when she was 43, and I was like, "Is 43 supposed to be 'old' now?"

My icy cold take on this is that, although I respect my students immensely, it's been my experience that most people need to be out of their twenties before they figure out how to write anything that's meaningful to other people. Good writing requires not only practice but also life experience, so this is as it should be. The fact that many authors start publishing in their thirties and forties is accepted as a given in most countries, but the culture of celebrity worship in the United States, along with the concomitant American celebration of "genius," has been raised to such a fever pitch that many agents and editors started to privilege youth as a selling point since around the mid-1990s or so.

I think this is unhealthy for a number of reasons, not in the least because it puts an enormous amount of pressure on young authors and thereby sets them up for failure. I see this all the time in the American graphic novel market, where an artist in their twenties will publish one book with a mainstream press to enormous acclaim only to then disappear from the face of the earth once their book tour is over. But I guess that, since there's always going to be a steady stream of young people willing to burn themselves out, there's no real need to worry about the longterm health and longevity of creative talent.

I mean, it's funny. I've spent the past fifteen years of my life studying literature, but I'm only now figuring out how the publishing industry works. I get the feeling that it's kind of a dirty secret in academia; professors are just sort of like "we don't talk about that" and quickly change the subject.