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rynlingI’m currently writing the third-to-last chapter of Malice.
I’ve been working on this novel for a little more than two years, and I think it’s going to weigh in at around 115,000 words, which is a respectable length. Along the way, I’ve put each individual chapter through multiple rounds of editing, responded to hundreds of comments, and commissioned fifteen illustrations. As far as trashy monster romance fanfiction goes, I’ve put a lot of energy into this project.
But it’s difficult. This chapter is the climax of the novel in every way that matters, and I’ve been struggling with how to approach it ever since I came up with the initial concept for the story. I’m not the most talented writer to begin with, and this chapter is especially tricky to write.
Even if I do manage to pull it off, though, it doesn’t matter. I feel like this story never really found a readership, and it’s almost certainly going to be forgotten as soon as it stops updating and gradually falls to the bottom of the tags. And that’s really difficult to process, that even my best work just... isn’t that good, maybe.
I’m not complaining. I mean, I developed my writing and editing skills and met some friends along the way, and that’s amazing. But facing my own lack of success and possible lack of talent every time I sit down to finish this story isn’t easy. In fact, it’s hardcore depression-inducing, and that’s not a joke.
This is why I want to say how much the kudos people leave on this fic mean to me. I see and treasure every single one of them, and it’s not an exaggeration to say that looking forward to emails from AO3 was the only way I was able to get through the relentless horror of the past two years.
It may seem like such a small and insignificant act to leave kudos on a story on AO3, but honestly, it means the world to me – and probably to a lot of other writers as well. It’s wild to say this, but sometimes all it takes is just the simple click of a button to be a hero.
I’ve been working on this novel for a little more than two years, and I think it’s going to weigh in at around 115,000 words, which is a respectable length. Along the way, I’ve put each individual chapter through multiple rounds of editing, responded to hundreds of comments, and commissioned fifteen illustrations. As far as trashy monster romance fanfiction goes, I’ve put a lot of energy into this project.
But it’s difficult. This chapter is the climax of the novel in every way that matters, and I’ve been struggling with how to approach it ever since I came up with the initial concept for the story. I’m not the most talented writer to begin with, and this chapter is especially tricky to write.
Even if I do manage to pull it off, though, it doesn’t matter. I feel like this story never really found a readership, and it’s almost certainly going to be forgotten as soon as it stops updating and gradually falls to the bottom of the tags. And that’s really difficult to process, that even my best work just... isn’t that good, maybe.
I’m not complaining. I mean, I developed my writing and editing skills and met some friends along the way, and that’s amazing. But facing my own lack of success and possible lack of talent every time I sit down to finish this story isn’t easy. In fact, it’s hardcore depression-inducing, and that’s not a joke.
This is why I want to say how much the kudos people leave on this fic mean to me. I see and treasure every single one of them, and it’s not an exaggeration to say that looking forward to emails from AO3 was the only way I was able to get through the relentless horror of the past two years.
It may seem like such a small and insignificant act to leave kudos on a story on AO3, but honestly, it means the world to me – and probably to a lot of other writers as well. It’s wild to say this, but sometimes all it takes is just the simple click of a button to be a hero.
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Date: 2021-05-21 03:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2021-05-27 08:33 pm (UTC)I feel like this about Every Light Casts A Shadow. It's not my best writing because I started it 15 years ago and I have grown a lot since then; and who's really going to take a chance on a 170K postgame AU about Kain Highwind? Not that many people. If someone did have an interest, more likely than not they put it in "mark for later" and it'll always be too long. And that's OK; I'm pretty satisfied with the story itself and what I did with it, but also, it's sad because I wrote an epic in a small fandom and it's just gonna hang out there.
I am sorry that trying to finish Malice is putting such a weight and strain on you, though :(