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rynlingI guess, for me, a lot of the appeal of Ender Lilies is personal.
I suspect I like the "defective clone" trope so much because I've always sort of felt like that. I'm very good at what I do, but I've never been good enough. Like back in school, I could maintain a perfect 4.0 GPA and make a perfect 1600 on the SAT, no problem. But I was just a little too dyslexic and a little too ADHD, which made people think that I was "lazy" or "not taking myself seriously." Or like, I tried to be a perfect child for my parents, but I was always just a little too gay and a little too gender nonconforming, which made them think I was deliberately being "weird on purpose" or "acting out."
Even now, it's hard. I've been constantly hustling to get my writing out into the world for the past three years, but I haven't gotten anywhere. Whatever small victories I achieve are the result of massive effort, and a lot of things that look like victories at first often don't go anywhere in the end. My work is very good, but I don't have what it takes to be "good enough."
Ever since middle school, my personal power fantasy hasn't involved magically becoming hyper-competent at everything. Rather, what I fantasize about is that someone will just help me out a little. Someone will show up by my side and be like, "Oh, you can't break through this wall on your own? It's no trouble for me, so let me help you out with that." Really, that's it. That's my power fantasy.
So while Ender Lilies is unique and interesting on its own merits, it resonates with me on a profound personal level. And even if you're not me, I think the message conveyed by the gameplay of Ender Lilies is compelling. You don't have to be a lone warrior living and dying by your own strength; it's okay to be your own imperfect self and get help from other people.
I suspect I like the "defective clone" trope so much because I've always sort of felt like that. I'm very good at what I do, but I've never been good enough. Like back in school, I could maintain a perfect 4.0 GPA and make a perfect 1600 on the SAT, no problem. But I was just a little too dyslexic and a little too ADHD, which made people think that I was "lazy" or "not taking myself seriously." Or like, I tried to be a perfect child for my parents, but I was always just a little too gay and a little too gender nonconforming, which made them think I was deliberately being "weird on purpose" or "acting out."
Even now, it's hard. I've been constantly hustling to get my writing out into the world for the past three years, but I haven't gotten anywhere. Whatever small victories I achieve are the result of massive effort, and a lot of things that look like victories at first often don't go anywhere in the end. My work is very good, but I don't have what it takes to be "good enough."
Ever since middle school, my personal power fantasy hasn't involved magically becoming hyper-competent at everything. Rather, what I fantasize about is that someone will just help me out a little. Someone will show up by my side and be like, "Oh, you can't break through this wall on your own? It's no trouble for me, so let me help you out with that." Really, that's it. That's my power fantasy.
So while Ender Lilies is unique and interesting on its own merits, it resonates with me on a profound personal level. And even if you're not me, I think the message conveyed by the gameplay of Ender Lilies is compelling. You don't have to be a lone warrior living and dying by your own strength; it's okay to be your own imperfect self and get help from other people.
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Date: 2023-04-27 04:54 pm (UTC)I'm not sure that made sense, but there you go. My $0.02.