Tears of the Kingdom, Part Seven
Jun. 3rd, 2023 07:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rynlingSince time immemorial, the Gorons have lived on their mountain in peace and harmony, loafing around and eating rocks. They work sometimes, when they want to. As a hobby. Mostly they chill out in the hot springs and search for new and interesting types of rocks to munch on. Gorons come from the ground, and their food comes from the ground as well. They are infinitely good-natured, and they want for nothing.
In the seven(?) years since Breath of the Wild, Yunobo has gotten himself pilled by capitalism, and he has founded a corporation to give everyone “job security.” Gorons live in caves and do not wear clothes. They do not need money. The jobs Yunobo has invented do not benefit the Gorons; Goron labor only benefits the Hylians that Yunobo sells ore to. Since the mountain is no longer spewing lava, it has been overtaken by Hylians, all of whom want to know why the Gorons are lazy and don’t want to work.
It turns out that the underground “gloom” generated by The Evil Ganon™ has infected some of the rocks eaten by the Gorons, turning them into space brownies. The younger Gorons love these space brownies, and now they’re even less inclined to show up to work.
Link's task is to find and battle the regional manifestation of The Evil Ganon™ so that the younger generation of Gorons will say no to drugs and go back to the meaningless jobs that alienate them from their labor. After all, the emergent industrialism of Hyrule needs fuel.
Lmao no. Fuck that. This game is stupid.
In the seven(?) years since Breath of the Wild, Yunobo has gotten himself pilled by capitalism, and he has founded a corporation to give everyone “job security.” Gorons live in caves and do not wear clothes. They do not need money. The jobs Yunobo has invented do not benefit the Gorons; Goron labor only benefits the Hylians that Yunobo sells ore to. Since the mountain is no longer spewing lava, it has been overtaken by Hylians, all of whom want to know why the Gorons are lazy and don’t want to work.
It turns out that the underground “gloom” generated by The Evil Ganon™ has infected some of the rocks eaten by the Gorons, turning them into space brownies. The younger Gorons love these space brownies, and now they’re even less inclined to show up to work.
Link's task is to find and battle the regional manifestation of The Evil Ganon™ so that the younger generation of Gorons will say no to drugs and go back to the meaningless jobs that alienate them from their labor. After all, the emergent industrialism of Hyrule needs fuel.
Lmao no. Fuck that. This game is stupid.
