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rynlingI tried to talk with a few members of my family over the winter break this year, but they were all extremely mean.
I always forget they’re like that. They’re not mean to each other, so it stands to reason that they know how to behave. They’re just mean to me, and I don’t know why. I’m always friendly and open and agreeable, and I never ask for anything. What do they have to gain by treating me like that?
I thought that, now that we’re all adults on the other side of a global pandemic, things might be better. So I tried to ask a few people, very gently. Like, what’s going on? But everyone shut me down and refused to have that conversation.
If I had to guess, it’s probably just bigotry. Heaven forbid I infect anyone with the gay. I dress and present myself as completely normcore around everyone on both sides of my family, but they still know. They’ve always known.
Idk, I think this is something that gets lost in a lot of conversations about queer identity in progressive online spaces. A lot of people (from all races and religions and ethnicities!) hate gay children so much it’s unreal, and then they hate the gay adults the kids eventually turn into. Being turned out from your family isn’t just something that happened in the twentieth century; it keeps happening. “Found family” is great, especially in your twenties, but even close friends get older and move to different cities and pair off and have kids and get involved in their careers. In my thirties, more than “roommates who are also very good friends,” what I really want is practical advice on adult shit from older people... and yeah, money would be nice too.
Gay pride is all well and good, but I wish there were more of a sense of gay loss. Or gay “there’s a hole in your life where your family should be, but they hate you because you’re gay.” Or gay “you don’t get to have security in your religion or ethnic roots, because they don’t accept people like you.” Or gay “good luck affording anything as an adult with no financial support.” Or gay “you better not fuck up, because there’s nowhere for you to go if you fail.”
I’m not trying to be a victim or play for sympathy; rather, what I want to say is that the sort of commercialized Gay Pride™ that doesn’t have any darkness behind it feels kind of hollow, to me.
I always forget they’re like that. They’re not mean to each other, so it stands to reason that they know how to behave. They’re just mean to me, and I don’t know why. I’m always friendly and open and agreeable, and I never ask for anything. What do they have to gain by treating me like that?
I thought that, now that we’re all adults on the other side of a global pandemic, things might be better. So I tried to ask a few people, very gently. Like, what’s going on? But everyone shut me down and refused to have that conversation.
If I had to guess, it’s probably just bigotry. Heaven forbid I infect anyone with the gay. I dress and present myself as completely normcore around everyone on both sides of my family, but they still know. They’ve always known.
Idk, I think this is something that gets lost in a lot of conversations about queer identity in progressive online spaces. A lot of people (from all races and religions and ethnicities!) hate gay children so much it’s unreal, and then they hate the gay adults the kids eventually turn into. Being turned out from your family isn’t just something that happened in the twentieth century; it keeps happening. “Found family” is great, especially in your twenties, but even close friends get older and move to different cities and pair off and have kids and get involved in their careers. In my thirties, more than “roommates who are also very good friends,” what I really want is practical advice on adult shit from older people... and yeah, money would be nice too.
Gay pride is all well and good, but I wish there were more of a sense of gay loss. Or gay “there’s a hole in your life where your family should be, but they hate you because you’re gay.” Or gay “you don’t get to have security in your religion or ethnic roots, because they don’t accept people like you.” Or gay “good luck affording anything as an adult with no financial support.” Or gay “you better not fuck up, because there’s nowhere for you to go if you fail.”
I’m not trying to be a victim or play for sympathy; rather, what I want to say is that the sort of commercialized Gay Pride™ that doesn’t have any darkness behind it feels kind of hollow, to me.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-08 11:19 pm (UTC)