The Tragic Lost Emo Children of 2017
Mar. 2nd, 2019 08:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rynlingPeople kept telling me to play Nier Automata, so when the new edition – sorry, NieR:Automata™ Game of the YoRHa Edition – came out I finally quit trying to figure out the Great Shitty Crystal of Giruvegan without a walkthrough and turned off Final Fantasy XII. Games that trap you in long repetitive dungeons with no save points are THE WORST and NO FUN AT ALL; and, as much as I hated that shit back when I was playing Final Fantasy IV on the Super Nintendo, I hate it even more now. (See also: why I quit playing I Am Setsuna.) I might come back to Final Fantasy XII when it comes out on the Switch, but for now I’m done.
I was told to go into Nier Automata without knowing anything or trying to look up spoilers, so here I am. I played for about an hour last night, and so far I’m unimpressed and very, very bored.
The player-character is a sixteen-year-old robot who dresses like it’s Lolita night at the Goth club, and she’s all “emotions are prohibited” because she’s an edgelord. Or edgelady, as she has a boob window and shiny exposed upper thighs (because the game really wants me to want to fuck this sixteen-year-old robot I guess). Despite being named after a pencil, she thinks sixteen-year-old edgelady thoughts like “when do I get to kill the god who created a world where we have to die,” and the lore contained in the menu screen weapon data is excerpted from the same emo LiveJournal.
Goth robot pencil girl has two companions: A sweet boy robot mapmaker who probably has some dark secret or something, and a floating robot murder friend. Sweet robot boy mapmaker (also named after a pencil) is growing on me, but I’m really here for the floating robot murder friend, who is a very cute and helpful little one.
Anyway, the game starts you off in 2D bullet hell, which is probably my second least favorite game genre. You then progress to 3D bullet hell, which is my absolute least favorite game genre. While firing bullets back at enemies by means of your floating robot murder friend, you also have to control Goth robot pencil girl and the game’s camera all at the same time. I am notoriously bad at games, but this literally hurt my hands, and the constant flashing lights and explosions and camera jerks gave me a headache.
This would be fine if it were just an opening sequence, but this series of bullet hell battles leads directly to a long repetitive dungeon with no save points.
I am getting real tired of Square Enix’s shit tbh.
I will keep playing, but only because of peer pressure. Also, I hear that eventually you can talk to the robot enemy characters, which I am very much looking forward to because they are adorable.
I was told to go into Nier Automata without knowing anything or trying to look up spoilers, so here I am. I played for about an hour last night, and so far I’m unimpressed and very, very bored.
The player-character is a sixteen-year-old robot who dresses like it’s Lolita night at the Goth club, and she’s all “emotions are prohibited” because she’s an edgelord. Or edgelady, as she has a boob window and shiny exposed upper thighs (because the game really wants me to want to fuck this sixteen-year-old robot I guess). Despite being named after a pencil, she thinks sixteen-year-old edgelady thoughts like “when do I get to kill the god who created a world where we have to die,” and the lore contained in the menu screen weapon data is excerpted from the same emo LiveJournal.
Goth robot pencil girl has two companions: A sweet boy robot mapmaker who probably has some dark secret or something, and a floating robot murder friend. Sweet robot boy mapmaker (also named after a pencil) is growing on me, but I’m really here for the floating robot murder friend, who is a very cute and helpful little one.
Anyway, the game starts you off in 2D bullet hell, which is probably my second least favorite game genre. You then progress to 3D bullet hell, which is my absolute least favorite game genre. While firing bullets back at enemies by means of your floating robot murder friend, you also have to control Goth robot pencil girl and the game’s camera all at the same time. I am notoriously bad at games, but this literally hurt my hands, and the constant flashing lights and explosions and camera jerks gave me a headache.
This would be fine if it were just an opening sequence, but this series of bullet hell battles leads directly to a long repetitive dungeon with no save points.
I am getting real tired of Square Enix’s shit tbh.
I will keep playing, but only because of peer pressure. Also, I hear that eventually you can talk to the robot enemy characters, which I am very much looking forward to because they are adorable.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-03 11:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-04 07:15 pm (UTC)But no matter how good the story is, and no matter how relevant this is to the plot, it does genuinely piss me off that the game makes you play through long stretches without being able to save. I had some people over this weekend, and they wanted to use the Blu-ray player on the PS4. I had to eject the Nier disc, which means that I'm going to have to play through this hour of bullet hell all over again from the beginning. God forbid the person playing Nier Automatica isn't completely dedicated to the game with nothing else going on in their life.
Although this may just be the opening sequence, who knows. Square Enix is awful about using opening sequences as prolonged software demos, and even my beloved FFXII is not free of sin. As a side note, I was watching the opening cinematic of FFVII with my video games class the other day, and everyone was remarking on how effective it was for only being about two and a half minutes long. I've heard people complain that the earlier FF games haven't aged well, and I tend to agree on some counts, but those games were and still are extremely accessible and really fun to play even from the beginning.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-05 03:41 am (UTC)aaaaargh nooooo! That's the worst :( I have switched to playing a lot of things mobile for the ability to walk away whenever, I won't lie. I thought about rebuying FF12 AGAIN on the Switch just for that. I won't, or at least I'll try hard not to because financial responsibility, but damn.