The Tragic Lost Emo Children of 2017

[rynling]

People kept telling me to play Nier Automata, so when the new edition – sorry, NieR:Automata™ Game of the YoRHa Edition – came out I finally quit trying to figure out the Great Shitty Crystal of Giruvegan without a walkthrough and turned off Final Fantasy XII. Games that trap you in long repetitive dungeons with no save points are THE WORST and NO FUN AT ALL; and, as much as I hated that shit back when I was playing Final Fantasy IV on the Super Nintendo, I hate it even more now. (See also: why I quit playing I Am Setsuna.) I might come back to Final Fantasy XII when it comes out on the Switch, but for now I’m done.

I was told to go into Nier Automata without knowing anything or trying to look up spoilers, so here I am. I played for about an hour last night, and so far I’m unimpressed and very, very bored.

The player-character is a sixteen-year-old robot who dresses like it’s Lolita night at the Goth club, and she’s all “emotions are prohibited” because she’s an edgelord. Or edgelady, as she has a boob window and shiny exposed upper thighs (because the game really wants me to want to fuck this sixteen-year-old robot I guess). Despite being named after a pencil, she thinks sixteen-year-old edgelady thoughts like “when do I get to kill the god who created a world where we have to die,” and the lore contained in the menu screen weapon data is excerpted from the same emo LiveJournal.

Goth robot pencil girl has two companions: A sweet boy robot mapmaker who probably has some dark secret or something, and a floating robot murder friend. Sweet robot boy mapmaker (also named after a pencil) is growing on me, but I’m really here for the floating robot murder friend, who is a very cute and helpful little one.

Anyway, the game starts you off in 2D bullet hell, which is probably my second least favorite game genre. You then progress to 3D bullet hell, which is my absolute least favorite game genre. While firing bullets back at enemies by means of your floating robot murder friend, you also have to control Goth robot pencil girl and the game’s camera all at the same time. I am notoriously bad at games, but this literally hurt my hands, and the constant flashing lights and explosions and camera jerks gave me a headache.

This would be fine if it were just an opening sequence, but this series of bullet hell battles leads directly to a long repetitive dungeon with no save points.

I am getting real tired of Square Enix’s shit tbh.

I will keep playing, but only because of peer pressure. Also, I hear that eventually you can talk to the robot enemy characters, which I am very much looking forward to because they are adorable.

Comments

[auronlu]

For what it's worth, I wrecked my hands creating this map of/guide to Giruvegan, if you ever venture back into FFXII. If it's not clear on the map, my notation shows the uphill end of each ramp as wide, the downhill end as narrow.

[lassarina]

Auronlu, have I mentioned you're a fucking treasure? Because my god, but you are.

[auronlu]

Hey, y'all did commentaries for EVERY DANGED FF as far as I can tell, plus I remember running across your own game guides back in the day. We save other gamers tedium so they can find the fun bits, eh?

[lassarina]

We're not done with 13, Type-0, and havent' started XV....but there I go diminishing, so. Fair point. ♥

We definitely do. They're labours of love.

[runicmagitek]

Oh my god my boyfriend and I used this during our Zodiac Age playthrough when we pursued Ultima thank you a million times over for this gem

Also, one of my friends said he stumbled upon Ultima by accident while exploring Giruvegan. I still don't believe him. One does not stumble anywhere in that hot mess.

[rynling]

I was actually using your map, which is one of my favorite things. I downloaded it when I started playing the PS4 release of FFXII, but I put the game down and didn't return to it for more than a year. When I was looking for something else in my FFXII folder, I found the files for your map and remembered how excited I was about finally being able to use it, which is why I picked the game up again. True story!

Unfortunately, I had trouble in the Great Crystal for other reasons, not in the least of which was that I stupidly leveled up the characters with the wrong combination of skills to make it through that dungeon, alas. I wanted to leave and do some grinding, but alas, the dungeon doesn't let you leave until you get to the end.

Just in case you don't hear it enough, your website is a treasure and a blessing. I'm teaching my "Video Games and Japan" class again this semester, but I'm using Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker as the main text instead of FFX. I relied on your insight and commentary so much when I was teaching FFX that it felt like you were almost a co-teacher, and going it alone on Wind Waker this time around is kind of lonely tbh.

[auronlu]

Oh wow. Thank you so much, that's really rewarding to hear.

I really oughta finish that commentary someday!

[lassarina]

I keep thinkign about playing Automata because it's going to be the new raid sequence in FFXIV, but then again.....things like this.

[rynling]

People tell me it gets good! So I will keep playing and see, I guess.

But no matter how good the story is, and no matter how relevant this is to the plot, it does genuinely piss me off that the game makes you play through long stretches without being able to save. I had some people over this weekend, and they wanted to use the Blu-ray player on the PS4. I had to eject the Nier disc, which means that I'm going to have to play through this hour of bullet hell all over again from the beginning. God forbid the person playing Nier Automatica isn't completely dedicated to the game with nothing else going on in their life.

Although this may just be the opening sequence, who knows. Square Enix is awful about using opening sequences as prolonged software demos, and even my beloved FFXII is not free of sin. As a side note, I was watching the opening cinematic of FFVII with my video games class the other day, and everyone was remarking on how effective it was for only being about two and a half minutes long. I've heard people complain that the earlier FF games haven't aged well, and I tend to agree on some counts, but those games were and still are extremely accessible and really fun to play even from the beginning.

[lassarina]

Man, now I'm thinking of how hard the openings of FF4 and FF6 hit, despite being very short, by modern standards.

aaaaargh nooooo! That's the worst :( I have switched to playing a lot of things mobile for the ability to walk away whenever, I won't lie. I thought about rebuying FF12 AGAIN on the Switch just for that. I won't, or at least I'll try hard not to because financial responsibility, but damn.

[runicmagitek]

So like... on one hand, I'm eyerolling at yet another game with less than practical attire for the female combatant (who is also a damn teenager just why), because come on now, do we have to do this? They don't even wear stilettos. It's worse than that - they are actually grafted into their heels that's just how their feet are designed dear god why

On the other hand, it fits very neatly in Japan's long history of narratives and art depicting child soldiers in post-apocalyptic world. Bonus points if said child soldiers are cute. I'm sure I have a 20 page essay somewhere in my college thumb drives talking about the importance of making these characters "cute" in these situations throughout post-WWII art in Japan, because reasons.

On the other hand, I'm just thrilled I get to be a hot, goth badass who fucking does flips and shits to use her weapons and demolishes wave after wave of enemies without breaking so much as a sweat. Like damn #lifegoals

NieR: Automata is definitely a lot of layers to dissect and I get sad when people look at it and dismiss it as Fanservice: The Game. Which yes, I totally understand that being frustrating (it frustrates me, too), but it addresses some pretty heavy topics. Not perfectly in some sections, but it still does it. That said, hack-n-slash games are one of my go-to types of games when I want to relax. I grew up playing Dynasty Warriors and Devil May Cry after a stressful day at school and there's something cathartic about... murdering hundreds of things and looking cool while doing it. I personally loved the mechanics in NieR: Automata, but I also have a handful of friends who aren't as into that kind of game play as I am and were super frustrated. Especially the opening part, because there's no save point until after you beat the boss of that area, so if you die... you just need to start over. Which makes sense in context of the game, but still sucks :\

I hope you find some joy from it! I'm curious to hear about your thoughts on it as you progress :D

[rynling]

I didn't die, but I had to eject the game disc so that someone's tiny child could watch a Disney Blu-ray while the adults did their drinking, so I'm going to have to start over from the beginning. AND I RESENT THIS GAME SO MUCH. SO MUCH.

I'm definitely going to keep at it, though. You're far from the only person who recommended it, but it's mainly because of your high opinion that I'm going to keep playing. Honestly, anyone who likes Oxenfree has impeccable taste, and it's my sworn duty to listen to what they have to say.

As for the fan service, I know it's superficial, but it bothers me. Like, I know these things have nuance (and in fact I will die on the hill of "there is no male gaze in Sailor Moon"), and I get that not everyone wants to run around in Crocs and track suit (although I would absolutely play that Final Fantasy), but it still bothers me. It bothered me when I started playing the HD release of FFXII, because I really didn't want to see every dimple in Penelo's asscheeks, and I ended up putting down the game for more than a year because I felt so alienated and grossed out. Now, 147 hours into FFXII HD, I don't even notice, and I imagine the visual designs of the robot children in Nier Automatica will probably end up being the least of my concerns. Someone told me that I should expect to cry a lot, so we'll see. Someone also told me, however, that the characters' skirts/pants come off when some sort of self-destruct sequence is initiated, so we'll see about that as well.

Speaking of Japanese pop culture precedents, I'm getting some hardcore Mamoru Oshii vibes, not so much Ghost in the Shell but more Patlabor and The Sky Crawlers. I actually genuinely hated those movies, because they're all like "war is bad" and "using child soldiers is cruel" but also "playing war games is super fun" and "let's make these children really cool and sexy." I'm hoping that Nier Automatica is less of that nonsense and more like Evangelion, meaning that I hope it portrays trauma as strange and upsetting instead of glamorous and sentimental.

I also heard rumors that there is time looping, which is why saving is so wonky, and I hope that's true as well. I fucking love time looping, you know this about me.

I hate to say this, but spoilers are the only reason why I'm playing this game. I guess what I want to say is that I think it's kind of cheap that the game relies on big explosions and titillating character designs to get the player invested in the story instead of actually giving the player a sense that it's telling a story. I don't know what the game is trying to do yet, but I still get the feeling that it could be doing it better.

Then again, I also hated my first three or four hours of Breath of the Wild, and we all know how that turned out.

[runicmagitek]

Dude, I feel ya on 200% of this. Even down to the sheer rage of having to entertain a damn kid.

Also I'm squeeing and blushing forever :D thank you for such kind words!

Fan service is so bleh like that. I actually didn't even realize skirts and pants blew off in NieR: Automata until one of my friends told me about it, because pffff why would I ever self-destruct myself when I can be a total badass and fuck 'em up with a sword twice the size of me. And like... I really don't need to peek up 2B's skirt when she's climbing ladders. But I'm also all for normalizing the fuck out of whatever gothic BDSM-esque wear when I'm on my way to be a boss ass bitch in the post-apocalyptic world.

ALSO YOU HAVE YET TO MEET MY MURDER WIFE 👀 👌 😍

I'm also sure you've noticed in my NieR: Automata reblogs on tumblr that I stay away from fanart that's very heavy in the male gaze, because no. I can't.

Also VERY MUCH YES EVA. That was the immediate connection I got after a couple hours into the game. It's very much along that mindset vs Patlabor, so I think you'll be very pleased in that regard.

A L S O. TISSUES. Invest in them. I had to step away and gross sob for a bowl of ice cream at one point in the game.

Keep me posted! You got this! I believe in you! WIGGLE YOUR CUTE HIPS AND SLICE THOSE ROBOTS UP!

[rynling]

But I'm also all for normalizing the fuck out of whatever gothic BDSM-esque wear when I'm on my way to be a boss ass bitch in the post-apocalyptic world.

I did not see it like this, but now that I do I am 100% in support of this position.

A bit off-topic, but it's always bothered me that female characters always seem to cut their hair and change into a more masculine-coded outfit when they get ready to get down to business. That's great, but! I am all for female characters - and anyone, really - getting super femmed up when it's time to throw down. If it's the boss battle, it's a perfect opportunity to bring out all the big ruffles and lace and bright pastel sword tassels.