Rynling R&D

In 2018 I commissioned 52 comics and illustrations, which turns out to be one piece of art for every week of the year. This seems like kind of a lot, in retrospect.

Aside from a few ongoing projects, like the series of illustrations for The Legend of the Princess, as well as my first real attempts to collaborate with artists on comics I've written, a lot of these were “emergency commissions” for people who needed money. Most of these artists were asking for almost no money at all for their work, and my general strategy was to give them twice what they asked upfront and then the full amount again when they sent me the artwork. I was very poor for most of my life, and I feel like I want to give people the sort of small financial and emotional boost I could have used when I was younger. That being said, I wish we lived in a world where “emergency commissions” aren’t necessary to help cover things like transportation and basic healthcare.

Some of these commissions were never completed, which I totally understand. If someone is struggling with health issues, you give them a free pass, you know? In fact, I go into all commissions fully expecting that they will never be finished, and I’m pleasantly surprised when they are – which they almost always are, because most artists are good people. On the other hand, a few artists completed my commissions but never posted their work and asked that I not post it myself. I don’t understand this quite so well, to be honest, but I think I’ve figured out enough of a pattern to avoid this type of person in the future.

I always try to be clear and concise in my communication with artists, but I’ve started to take special care to make it clear that part of what I’m commissioning is an opportunity for mutual self-promotion. Of course I want to support artists (and honestly, I would financially support writers too if the culture of fandom had gone in that direction), and of course I want there to be more art and positive representation in the world. Still, there’s often real money changing hands, and I’m not paying artists – especially professional artists – entirely out of the goodness and generosity of my heart.

I am a serious writer who wants to work with serious artists. My end goal, such as it is, is to gain the skills and experience to collaborate on creative projects that will break out of my own small circles of fandom and attract the attention of a larger audience. Just as a lot of professional artists gain a following in fandom before achieving the critical mass necessary to break into the industry, I want to do be able to do the same as a writer.

Unfortunately, there are barriers. The first is that I have a full-time job that demands most of my emotional and creative energy, and my employment situation is still precarious. The second is that I am not wealthy, which limits the number of creative projects I can fund. The third is that I’m an introvert who is very shy about approaching people, and I really can’t perform the sort of hustle necessary to place myself a position where I might conceivably start attracting attention by being visible and outspoken. The fourth is that I’m still deeply scarred by all the harassment I’ve dealt with on Tumblr, which has had the added effect of shutting me out of communities that would otherwise support me and help promote the specific type of work I’m doing. The fifth is gender, an issue that manages to be nuanced and complicated yet also entirely self-explanatory.

(Seriously though. Why are almost all comic writers male? I know that female comic writers exist, obviously, but I say this as someone who attends half a dozen comic conventions and reads hundreds of large-press, small-press, and self-published comics every year.)

But I’m putting in the work, and Lord knows I’m putting in the time and money. This year I threw a lot of ideas and projects into the air just to see where they landed, and I think I learned a few things from the process. Next year I’m going to try to be more strategic and efficient regarding what I commission. I still want to support artists and create art, but I’m also going to need to focus on projects that have a higher level of professional potential and impact, both for myself and for the artists who are kind enough to work with me.

And I know this is going to sound mercenary, but I prefer to think of it as recentering my sense of balance – I need to stop devoting so many resources to supporting a creative community and start devoting more resources to creating a community that will support me.

This year I did some things!

( Read more... )

There are some things I did not do, but that's okay. 2017 was a tough year, but next year will be better!

Life Goals

- Don't do that thing you've been thinking about doing. I'm serious, don't do it. Figure out what you need to do to keep going.

- Be more upfront with people about what you want. Learn to approach life with the attitude that people like you and will help you if you just tell them what you need.

- If someone aggressively insults you or otherwise treats you disrespectfully, call them out on it. Otherwise, learn to ignore isolated microaggressions. If someone sends you a stupid email or message on Tumblr, or if someone leaves an ignorant comment on one of your fics or blog posts, delete it immediately and don't think about it again.

Game Writing Goals

- Submit the Twilight Princess essay by the end of January.

- Submit one Wind Waker essay in January, one in February, and one in March.

- Finish the Wind Waker book manuscript by the end of March.

- Finish and submit the essay on Final Fantasy X by the end of April.

- Finish and submit the essay on Final Fantasy XII by the end of July.

Fic Writing Goals

- Finish the "Seat of the Empire" Zelgan fic, and try to figure out a better title. You can start posting it once the entire thing is completed.

- Return to the "Legend of the Princess" fic. It would be nice if you could finish it this year, but no pressure. Commission lightsintheskye to update the cover illustration and create at least one additional illustration.

Art Goals

- Do an Impa/Nabooru "Sisters in Arms" illustration for February 1.

- Do a Sheik/Malon "Roses and Violets" illustration for February 14.

- Turn the "Everyone Loves Mario" sketches into a comic.

- Finish the "Wind Waker Final Boss Battle" comic.

- Create a comic based on Link's Awakening.

My one resolution this year was to visit New Orleans. Mission accomplished.

I also did some other things...

I had a man's suit made from scratch and custom tailored to fit me.

I created a "my name dot com" website and gradually expanded it to include my complete professional portfolio.

I began inviting (and paying) friends and acquaintances in my field to write guest posts for my professional blog.

I began supporting more than a dozen artists on Patreon.

I commissioned character designs and a large illustration for The Modern History of Zelda.

In addition, I commissioned more than twenty pieces of artwork, most of which can be found under my commissioned illustrations tag on Tumblr.

Essentially, this was a year of me spending money to promote myself, to create opportunities for my friends, and to help support the artistic community within my fandom.

I accomplished none of the goals I set for myself this summer. Life is hard, what can you do.

I have two goals for the fall.

My first goal is to hire a professional photographer to do a few headshots. I'm at the point in my career where people keep asking for them, and I'm still using the one I had a friend take with my old phone almost exactly two years ago. I'm going to try to get a photographer who specializes in weddings, because I vastly prefer bright filters and natural settings (I'm thinking the garden behind the Omni Hotel will do nicely) to the sorts of awkward poses with muted lighting that dominate the bizarre genre of "the professional headshot." It's probably going to cost several hundred dollars more than it should not to look like I'm already forty, but that's just the magic of attaching the word "wedding" to anything, including photographers.

My second goal is to commission a cover illustration of "The Modern History of Zelda." I've been trying to do this off and on for the past seven months, but it turns out that no one is particularly interested in having anything to do with an entire fucking novel about Zelda. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT. I'm going to try to contact a few more people who operate within fandom circles, but if I continue to be unsuccessful then I will use brute force and start cashing in favors with my connections at Small Press Expo to find a professional illustrator. It's difficult to explain succinctly, but that first novel (silly shipfic though it may be) means a lot to me, and I need some sort of validation and encouragement to keep writing.

Essentially, I'm planning on spending a lot of money to make myself look good. I get the feeling that my level of narcissism is approaching that of a Colombian drug lord, but one of the convenient side effects of being so vain is that I don't care.

(Actually I do care. I care a lot. If neither of these things works out for me I will be devastated.)

My apartment is SPOTLESS.
My closets are MOSTLY EMPTY.
My hard drive is DEFRAGMENTED.
My credit cards are COMPLETELY PAID.
My tiny dog is UP TO DATE ON HER SHOTS.
My heart is AS PURE AS FRESHLY FALLEN SNOW.

My resolution for 2016 is to spend at least three nights in New Orleans before August. The last time we had a winter like this in the South, Hurricane Katrina happened. If I'm ever going to see New Orleans when it's not in ruins, now is probably a good time.

Final Fantasy I: Dawn of Souls

This game is stupid, and I resent it.

Rain

This game is amazing, and I love it.

Okami HD

Nope. I played Zelda instead. Like, a lot of Zelda.

Tales of the Abyss

Nope, but not for lack of picking it back up about once a month. One day I'll finish it.

Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch

Nope. My intense distaste for the first thirty minutes of this game reminded me that games are supposed to be fun and that I don't have any sort of obligation to play them if I don't enjoy them.

2016 is going to be a good year for games, and life is too short for completionism.

I watched one season. And now I'm done, right? I think that was my resolution, right?

I therefore resolve, in the new year, to watch one current tv series from its first season to its most recent.

Okay, fuck. Maybe I'll take a month-long break, then.

The production quality of the show is fantastic, but...

(1) It's almost completely humorless. The three crime scene investigators are the sole exceptions, and they never appear for more than three or four minutes in any given episode. Of the three, Beverly Katz has a bit more screen time in the early episodes, but then the show decides that those extra two minutes of someone not being ALL SERIOUS ALL THE TIME are two minutes too many.

(1.5) Actually, now that I think about it, the special effects are pretty funny. The totem pole of human corpses on the beach is especially hilarious, and I don't use that word lightly. It's also cool when Hannibal has one of his dinner guests eat human flesh. Maybe those things are not supposed to be funny, though?

(2) It's kind of stupid. Will Graham is supposed to be a super-genius, but then he's hallucinating and having blackouts, so instead of taking a few days off work to go to the fucking doctor he's like, Naw just give me a gun I'll be fine. Sure, Hannibal messes with his diagnosis, but honestly, if you're seeing hallucinations, you probably need to get a second opinion! It's like, Dude! You work for the government; you have good insurance! Or at least hit up one of your many doctor friends for advice! Or check WebMD? Will is supposed to be socially awkward and live in a cabin in the woods or some shit, but presumably he has internet access on his phone. I also don't get why none of the Very Smart People in the show suspect Hannibal. He has freakishly specific medical knowledge, he has insider information about every single murder, and he was at the scene of every single crime. And all of his patients end up flipping out and attempting murder! But there is nothing suspicious about him because, I don't know, he has an accent? Why does no one in this show think or behave like a normal person? I can suspend disbelief for a two-hour movie, but it's harder to maintain this suspension over the course of thirteen fifty-minute television episodes.

(3) I don't think the show's writers or producers have ever been to the East Coast. Will Graham is supposed to live in Wolf Trap, an unincorporated satellite community of Vienna, Virginia, which is on the north side of Fairfax County, which is famously the single wealthiest and most developed county in the United States. (It's where I work, but I can't afford to live there.) There are golf courses and Super Target parking lots in Vienna, but not huge open fields with little cabins. Hannibal lives in Baltimore, which is a two-hour drive north of Fairfax County if there are no traffic conditions, road construction, or weather-related complications, which never happens. Since there's no public transportation between Fairfax and Baltimore, Will would have to get on I-66, the second worst highway in the United States, and then get on I-495, the absolute worst highway in the United States. During the afternoon and early evening, it can take more than four hours to drive from Fairfax to Baltimore, and then you have to deal with shitty Baltimore traffic and road conditions (the city is broke and doesn't maintain its infrastructure, true story). In other words, Will can't just jump up and go to Baltimore to visit Hannibal whenever he wants to, and it makes zero fucking sense for him to do so. And then, in the last episode of the first season, Will and Hannibal drive from Baltimore to Minnesota in one night? That shit takes at least twenty consecutive hours, and that's if you're peeing into the seat of your car.

In conclusion, this show looks pretty but takes itself way too seriously and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Gillian Anderson should maybe take a rain check on producing Hannibal and go work on Ghostbusters instead.

I have gotten seriously lazy about video games during the past two or three years. I'm not sure whether this has to do with me getting older or with Journey spoiling everything else forever by being so gorgeous and well designed, but I really need to put my butt on my sofa and finish some games.

Final Fantasy I: Dawn of Souls

I have been playing this game on my iPad since this time last year. I would play it for two or three hours, get bored, and then not pick it up again until several weeks had passed. A few days ago I finally got to the last boss but was defeated after a half-hour battle. Apparently, all my dudes being at level 50 with the best possible equipment was not good enough, and I need MOAR LEVEL GRINDING. This is frustrating, since I feel that I've spent the entire game level grinding. At least I've watched some good movies on Netflix in the process.

Rain

I downloaded this game back when it was released in October 2013, but I rage quit shortly thereafter because the male player-protagonist's female computer-controlled companion has the AI of a pug. I hate ICO: Castle in the Mist for the same reason. Not only is making the female companion character stupid and completely dependent on the male player-character sexist, but it results in extremely frustrating gameplay. On the other hand, people say that it takes less than five hours to finish the game, and I did enjoy running around in the world of the game. To minimize my frustration during my next encounter with this game, I think I'm going to use a walkthrough.

Okami HD

There's no excuse for me to have not played this game, save that I missed it when it first came out and have been occupied with other epic adventure games since then. The internet tells me Okami takes about 45 hours to complete, so I should be done with it if I devote a month to playing it. That's what I did with Wind Waker HD, and it was a glorious month.

Tales of the Abyss

Why is this game so long whyyyyyyyyy. If I put in the same 50 hours in 2015 that I sunk into it in 2014, maybe I can finish it? Maybe? I'm not really enjoying myself, but at this point I've invested too much time to quit and pretend as if this game never happened.

Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch

I pre-ordered the special edition of this game back in the summer of 2012, but it has been sitting unopened in a box in my closet for two years now. Yesterday I opened the shipping box that holds the game box. Maybe today I will make it all the way down to the disc box. YAY PROGRESS.

I try to stay informed about popular television series, but I have trouble actually watching them.

I'm not an "I don't own a tv" hipster, because I need something to play video games on, and I subscribe to basic cable, because cable+internet is for some reason (advertising subsidies?) cheaper than internet alone, but I have to force myself to sit still long enough to make it through even a single episode of any show on tv, even if I'm watching it on the PlaySation Netflix app or broadcasting it from my laptop. American television is just so cheesy and poorly produced...

That being said, you can't tell people that you only "watch" television through blog posts and articles on Jezebel. I therefore resolve, in the new year, to watch one current tv series from its first season to its most recent.

Sherlock is my darling precious baby and doesn't count. I watch Adventure Time and Arrested Development compulsively, so those don't count. Nature and science programs don't count, because I watch them for work. Anime, which I consume like candy (sparingly but with great relish), doesn't count. Although I haven't seen it and probably should, The Legend of Korra also doesn't count, because I don't know anyone offline who watches it.

I'm thinking... Hannibal? Non-fandom people like that show, right?

My brother recommends House of Cards, which apparently is not only good but also watched by my conservative middle-aged aunts. Since these aunts are embodiments of the platonic ideal of a non-fandom person, perhaps the show will serve my purposes if I become too fannishly attached to Hannibal.